4 Letter Word/State of Mind/Why/Infatuated/Deep/Everyday/On My Way To You/Happy Together/I Can Feel It/Hangin Around/Another Day/Goodtime/Come with Me/Great Adventure (bonus)
I bought this CD last week and the only reason It's made it's way here to the blog is it was $1 and had the Shock Label on it otherwise I wouldn't have bought it. Now to the CD who is Nick Hardcastle join the queue after a search found out he had been in Home and Away and at the time the CD came out was on the ABC presenting a children's show . Now don't get me wrong the CD isn't a complete waste of time he can sing and has a pleasant enough voice and is no worse than any of the other TV soapie stars that have tried to make the transition but he just doesn't have teen idol stamped all over him just look at the picture. There were a couple of songs I liked and the best of those was the cover of the Turtles song Happy Together. Now to the real reason for the post while searching for info on Nick I found this review which I though was very funny even though the reviewer may have been serious so read on.
Nick Hardcastle - self titled debut album
Who is Nick Hardcastle and who told him he was talented?
Publisher: Shock
Fri, 14 July 2006
by: Special K
"It's just a four-letter word baby how does it hurt?" asks Nick Hardcastle: that four-letter word is "shit" and I can tell you that it hurts like a bastard listening to this generic pop drivel. I guess I was left asking who is Nick Hardcastle? A friend of Dirk Digglers perhaps? Judging by the photos on the album cover he's worked extensively as a Big W catalog model and like Derek Zoolander he has perfected his own brand of "Blue Steel" look. As it turns out he's on an ABC Childrens show titled "Creature Features". Now I get the picture. Struggling actor, ends up on kids show, wants to make it big. Decides that if Hi-Five can do it why can't he and hooks up to record an album. Australian Idol you have a lot to answer for!
OK lets get ready for a blow by blow run down on this big steaming turd of an album!
The album opens with the single 4 letter word. We've already discussed this track in the opening paragraph. Nothing more needs to be said. Next…
State of Mind - (Oooooh Aaaaah, Oooooh Aaaaah). Deep isn't it? Listening to this makes me wish my state of mind was in a coma.
Why? (Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah) Rather appropriate because that's what I keep asking myself when I think about voluntarily telling Sammy that I would review this CD.
Infatuated (Ooooh, Ooooh, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah) This song sounds like Nick having to cope with his groupies. I'll quote a couple of lines from the song and include a translation afterwards "Coz you're infatuated, uneducated" (You're as dumb as dog shit, leave me alone) "You're infatuated, I'm celebrated" (My ego is way too big how could I like someone like you?) I'm assuming this song is showing Nick's sensitive side after another fulfilling one-night stand with his beer goggles on.
This song is titled Deep. Deep like how far I want to bury a sledgehammer in Nick's skull. When there are lines like "Used to fall in love every Saturday night. On Monday I know, I'd let them go. I'm orbiting you like a satellite. Cos you're one I could keep for the rest of the week". Great wholesome stuff for the kiddies! And this little gem "Well I'm at your door, ready to explore. Where do I start to lubricate your heart?" Real slick Nick! Real slick!
Every Day - Can't really comment on this one because I was trying to ignore it while I was writing this review.
On my Way to You - Nick gets top billing on the writing credits on this one. Opening line - "All I can explain is that all my words don't mean a thing". Nuff said.
Happy Together - Yes Nick covers a song where he talks about loving one person for the rest of his life. Stark contrast to the just wanted to root you songs earlier on the album.
I Can Feel It - and if I'm not mistaken it's an aneurism or my brain rotting.
Hangin Around - From the closing lines I assume this is lamenting over when he doesn't pick up on a Saturday night. "I get so mad when nothing comes my way I guess I'll have to make something from nothing".
Nick Hardcastle Dancing
Nick looking like a real tosser!
Another Day - I'm bored and frustrated. Pulling out my own teeth with no anaesthetic and a pair of pliers would be less painful than listening to this track.
Good Time - This reminds me of Kevin Bloody Wilson. "Would you be so kind as to show me where to go? I'm lookin for a good time. I got one thing on my mind yeah I really need to know I'm lookin for a good time." Kev's song is a bit more eloquent though "Do you f*&k on first dates? Does your dad own a brewery? Can I feel your tits? Or will you show 'em to me?"
Come with me - this is officially the last track on the album because the final track "Great Adventure" is classed as a Bonus Track. It's laughable to think that anything on this album could be considered a bonus.
In summary I think the fact that iTunes couldn't find the track listing for this album is testament to Nick's status as a performer. He really has an ordinary voice and I can't see this effort propelling him into the spotlight. Don't give up your day job Nick, I've heard walruses mating that sound better than this tripe!
by: Special K
